New York (AP)–
Jason Grilli was traded to the Colorado Rockies for some guy yesterday. According to sources close to the deal, negotiations for the deal were quite heated.

Colorado initially offered to take the oft-booed Tigers middle reliever for a left-handed catcher who had been dead for three years. Detroit then countered by asking for Eduardo Dominguez, a 21-year-old Coors Field peanut vendor who has the ability to throw bags up to 15 rows with a 94% accuracy rate. Hesitant to part with such a prospect after last week’s career-ending rotator cuff injury suffered by veteran peanut tosser Jimmy “The Nut Man” Thomas, Colorado then sealed the deal by putting the names of a bunch of so-so prospects on a dart board and allowed a tourist from Michigan who happened to be visiting the ballpark last night to make the trade-completing dart toss.

When asked for a comment on the trade, Tigers skipper Jim Leyland first responded by asking the questioning reporter, “A major league team wanted Grilli?! Have you been drinking again?” After being assured that the scribe was completely sober, Leyland fell on the floor, laughing uncontrollably and had no further comment.

Rumors that Tigers G.M. Dave Dombrowski has pictures of Rockies G.M. Dan O’Dowd caught in a compromising position with a underage batboy surfaced soon after the deal was made, but the Rockies deny all such claims. Dombrowski just winked and gave a sly smile when asked about the rumors.