This is all my fault
posted in 2008 season |
OK. It’s time for a little heart-to-heart. A little blog confessional, if you will. I’ll step into the booth and tell you up front: I’m the reason the Tigers are losing. You can blame me for the 2006 World Series PFP mishaps, Fernando Rodney’s tendinitis, Joel Zumaya’s finger, Joel Zumaya’s shoulder and probably Joel Zumaya’s fondness for Guitar Hero. Through no fault of my own, I cursed the Detroit Tigers.
And it is up to me to end this curse. Curse, you ask?
You see, it goes like this. In October 2006, during that lengthy period of time between the Shot Heard Around The World and the opening game of the World Series, I donned the authentic cap of the Hanshin Tigers. I thought I was merely enjoying the spoils of having a friend travel to Japan. Little did I know, the Hanshin Tigers were … cursed. So it is my hopes, by getting this off my shoulders in a public arena, the curse will be lifted — at least slightly — and the Tigers will join the list of teams that have won a game.
The Tigers — Nippon League version — won the title in 1985. Their fans celebrated by leaping in the Dotonbori canal. But there was a catch: you had to look like one of the Tigers’ players. And it being Japanese baseball, not apparently not having some of the overseas popularity it enjoys today, there were no fans who looked like first baseman Randy Bass. So the legend has it, fans found a statue of Colonel Sanders and tossed the fine southern gentleman into the drink. The statue was never recovered.
The Hanshin Tigers have never recovered.
The Curse of the Colonel was born.
For 18 years, until 2003 when the finally won a league pennant, the Tigers — Hanshin version — finished last or second-to-last in the NPL. Meanwhile, their unwitting sister team in Detroit finished last or second-to-last in most of those years. Hanshin last won a league pennant in 2005, but not a Japanese Series. This, I was unaware of when I put the cap on. This is why I have not worn the cap since.
But that fatefully sunny afternoon before the World Series, I wore it and showed it off. We know what’s happened since. The curse has been transferred from Hanshin to Detroit. Suddenly the Detroit pitchers couldn’t throw to the first baseman. A heavily favored team is embarrassed by the St. Louis Cardinals. In 2007, injuries plagued the team, from Joel Zumaya’s freak finger joint falling apart while throwing a warmup pitch to Jeremy Bonderman’s elbow. The Tigers hit a mid-season losing streak and missed the playoffs Now, rebuilt to be stronger and better, and again favorite among American League teams, they started the season 0-7.
So I come to you, willing to take the blame, hardened for your hurled insults for what I have done to your team. Today, I am trying to lift the curse by wearing the cap for the length of the game to admit the shame of the curse I have brought. The way I see it, two things can happen.
- Joel Zumaya’s arm will fall off while he sips his Gatorade.
- The Tigers will win.
What I do with the hat after that, I don’t know. If there are any experts in curse-breaking, please tell me how to make amends for my unwitting sin.
And tell me fast — my next plan of attack involves KFC and a statue of Colonel Sanders ….
Sphere It
Well, the Tigers won, so maybe you’re off the hook. But I’d still plan on eating a bucket of KFC at some point…
That’s some harsh penance, Ian.
Hi Kurt,
I am happy for your Tigers after winning their first game yesterday, but I have to admit that I would have loved to read your next post about the statue of Colonel Sanders!
By the way, when viewed in I.E. your site’s sidebars are all messed up.